If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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