It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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