why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
