i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
