I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize