i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
