I wanna passion pit in your ass
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
