Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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