Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
