somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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