there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
