I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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