a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
