Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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