u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
