chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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