He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
