Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
