mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
