You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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