Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
