I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
