my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
