A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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