And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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