I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize