after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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