I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Shame - the story of my life.
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