When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
