in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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