Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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