i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
