I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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