do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
