I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
