I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
operation have a gay friend backfired
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
