i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
