we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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