You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
