Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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