I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
