i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
