The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
