I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
