oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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