just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
