Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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