Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
