i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
