I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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