Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
