You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize