I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
it glows. i had to have it.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
