look no pants
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
