Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
