This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
even my farts smell like vagina
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
