He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
