It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize