she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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