I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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