Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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