from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
