don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
