i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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