it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
