I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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