Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We talked him into tasing himself.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
