I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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