i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
The ass gains better be worth it
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