May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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