peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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