I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
