Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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