Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I skipped work to stalk him.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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