I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
