Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
honey bunches of taint.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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