did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
