fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize