The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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