Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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