My sheets look like a crime scene.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
