Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
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