my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
